When QC contributor Tia Brown isn’t spending an abundance of time putting on concerts for her foster pooch, Scully (a.k.a. Trash Pup Little Bean Inspector Sniffs), she’s pondering the hows and whys of all of…THIS. She’s devised some activities for us through this mulling process, and we couldn’t be more excited to get down to business. — KR
Perform a puppet show.
It’s time to put all those socks that are going to abandon you to work! Socks make great puppets and if you’re as alone as I am, it’ll be comforting to finally talk to someone else not through a screen.
Perform for your dog/cat/rabbit/rat/ferret/tiger.
Oh sure, you already perform songs about your pet on the regular. And, it’s wonderful. But with all the time you have, baby, it’s time to go big and get grand. Pull out all the stops to perform a full blown five-hour musical about that pet friend. Record an entire live album ep. Break out the light show and the smoke machine and really wow that animal partner of yours.
Isolate even further.
Are you having epiphanies and breakthroughs and nightmares because of being surrounded by skyscrapers completely made of dumpsters on fire? Then this is perfect for you. It’s also perfect for all the braggarts meme-ing about how social distancing ain’t new to them. Pop up your tent inside. Don’t worry. It’s not bad luck but stay away from umbrellas. The sky is falling but you are inside. Get ready to start a sweaty party of one.
Download TikTok.
If you have it already then you already know. This 34-year-old spent an amount of time that I cannot recall because this platform is the distraction you need. And, the older you are, the more confused you’ll be by what is going on and confusion is one of the tastiest and most effective options at the escapism buffet.
Practice holding your breath.
Not only can this help you on your insane Black Friday-like visits to the grocery store, we’re probably not getting out ‘til summer. And nothing makes a swimming bod radiate more than the ability to hold your breath underwater. Bodies are sexy because of what they can do.
Find your inner talent.
Baking all of the bread so that the world runs out of carbs altogether is only the start. Again, this is no time for little ambitions. Go big and get grand. Reach for the stars or the Guinness Book of World Records. How many pickles can you stuff in your mouth? Build a sculpture out of empty toilet rolls and the handy wipes you’ve been using. Take up taxidermy. How long can you sustain a single yell of uncertainty? Sure, you weren’t sober when you had that idea about a fair where all the actors are various birds in the appropriate renaissance wear as they reenact Shakespearean scenes, and cleanup would be a nightmare. But, it’s not a bad idea. It just didn’t have your time and attention before. Here in 2020, time is socially accepted as a construct. And in 2020, there are no bad ideas. It’s the only explanation for what the fuck is happening. All bets are off. Go. Get. Yours.
Build a time machine.
Are you one of those DIY home improvement types? Well, a new coat of paint or floating shelves aren’t what your living room needs. It’s a time machine. Right now, we’re all doing what we can to protect the lives of others. There’s nothing more selfless than building a time machine, altering the passage of time and getting us all the fuck out of here.